Are You The “OCD Police”
Written by therapist, Dr. Lee Wells
When your child has OCD, it can feel impossible not to become hyperaware of their compulsions. And when they are home all summer, how can you NOT notice?! OCD can pull families into a state of hypervigilance where everyone starts watching for symptoms all the time. Although our intentions are good, when every ritual, avoidance, or reassurance question gets called out, support can feel like “OCD policing.” And that accidental overattentiveness can lead to increased shame, secrecy, and resistance to treatment.
You know you’ve turned into the “OCD police” if you:
Constantly point out compulsions
Overly monitoring behaviors throughout the day to “catch” compulsions
Frequently say things like:
“Stop doing that.”
“That’s OCD.”
“Your therapist would want you to do that.”
Correcting compulsions in a frustrated or critical tone
Watching your child struggle with OCD is excruciating. When compulsions are taking over daily routines or start creeping back in after your child’s made gains, it’s reasonable to feel scared, stressed, frustrated, and, honestly, a little annoyed (OCD is a pain in everyone’s butt). As a parent, you are hardwired to want to help your kid in situations like this. So, you, of course, feel the urge to step in. The tricky reality is that overcorrecting and stepping in too much can backfire.
Kids often report that “OCD policing” makes them more likely to hide their symptoms. Many clients share that when parents become highly vigilant about monitoring OCD, they begin concealing compulsions and opening up less at home. This makes sense because constant monitoring can unintentionally increase feelings of shame.
OCD already carries a heavy emotional burden for many kids and teens. Frequent correction or scrutiny can leave them feeling embarrassed, discouraged, or as though they can never quite get it right. Over time, this can create distance instead of openness.
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) tends to be most effective when children feel willing, supported, and personally invested in the process. When parents slip into the role of the “OCD police,” therapy can begin to feel controlling rather than collaborative. Some kids even describe feeling less ownership over their own progress.
So how do we move from “OCD policing” to being a coach or motivator?
Stay curious: Set aside calm, intentional time to check in. Warmly ask how therapy is going, whether they feel they are moving toward their goals, and whether there is anything they want you to help them with. If you’re noticing more compulsions or challenges, approach your child with curiosity rather than correction. Inquire about how they’ve been feeling and if they’ve been noticing an increase.
Celebrate effort: Notice your child’s effort whenever possible! Celebrating their effort rather than the outcomes can help your child stay motivated. This includes acknowledging ERP homework efforts and brave moments. Celebrating doesn’t have to be a big gesture, it could be a hug, high five, or even a smile. ERP is hard work; notice the effort.
Encouragement: Parents are always wondering what they can do to help their kids in ERP. Encouragement is number one on that list! Avoid too many repeated reminders, lectures, and nagging. Instead, use gentle encouragement like “I know your ERP practice can be hard, you got this tonight!” When working with your child’s therapist, you might even develop games or challenges that make ERP a little more fun!
Use warm problem-solving: There are times when kids forget or avoid their ERP homework. In these cases, set time aside to have a warm, short problem-solving discussion. Explore the barriers together (using a calm and warm tone). Are reminders needed? What should they look like? What might be going on in their lives that is getting in the way? How are they feeling? And if simple solutions aren’t available, bring this discussion back to the ERP therapist to help dig into problem-solving a little more.
Support exposure homework: Because parents really want to help, it’s fairly common for parents to want to get involved in a child’s exposure practice for home. But the best support is to avoid questioning, criticizing or trying to “improve” exposures. Resist the urge to debate or give a performance review of their practice and trust the plan. If you have questions or thoughts, reach out to your ERP therapist.
When OCD enters a family, it can pull everyone into a state of urgency and hyperawareness. Parents start watching more closely, listening for reassurance questions, noticing compulsions, and jumping at the first opportunity to help. This response is exactly what parents are built to do… we’re trying to relieve our kids from discomfort and distress.
What we know is that these natural urges are not necessarily what helps when it comes to OCD. Rather, your innate warmth, curiosity, encouragement, and calm confidence go much further than overcorrection. In fact, it might be one of the main ingredients in successful treatment.
