Why Go to Therapy When You’re Having a “Good Week”?
The other day, just before my therapy session (yes, therapists also go to therapy), I thought, “Things are going well. What am I going to talk about today? Maybe I should cancel my session…” I joined my session anyway. About halfway through this session, I stopped my therapist and said, “This has been bothering me, and I’m surprised I haven’t brought it up until now. I’m so glad I came to therapy today; this is really helpful!!! You will not believe this, but I was thinking about canceling session today!” – This is a 100% true story!
I share this personal experience to highlight how normal it is to have the urge to cancel a session (24 hours in advance, of course) when you are having a “good week.” You might not realize that these weeks are some of the most important.
Why does it matter?
Consistency is key. Research suggests that attending therapy sessions consistently (even when you “feel good”) helps you reach the therapeutic goals you have for yourself. We build a better relationship with therapy when we come as planned rather than when we only have a problem. Additionally, if you are working on a behavioral plan or practicing skills at home, consistent therapy provides supportive accountability to ensure you are solidifying your new habits.
You have more resources. When you are overwhelmed, distressed, or depressed, it’s hard to connect to your longer-term goals and personal values. When you are having a “good week,” you have more personal resources. This means you can focus on what is meaningful to you and notice if your current patterns of behavior are bringing you closer to that meaningful stuff. On “good weeks,” you also have a little more space to be lighthearted and joke around. Humor can help you build a deeper connection with your therapist - making each session even more special.
You can work on next-level stuff. On a “good week,” you don’t have to figure out how to tolerate major distress or have a painfully difficult conversation. Instead, you can look at how to strengthen your relationship with your parent, investigate how to use your interpersonal effectiveness skills to build a stronger friendship or explore why it’s been hard for you to date in college post-quarantine. Or perhaps something has always bothered you but wasn’t as pressing of an issue when you started therapy. Remember that Dialectical Behavior (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment (ACT) therapists are well equipped to help you with life difficulties and incompleteness, not just quiet desperation and behavioral dysregulation.
How do I prepare for “good week” sessions?
Tell us what’s going well! We want to hear what is going well! We can look at what behavior patterns are working for you and how you can reinforce these behaviors, so they are more likely to continue in your life. During session, feel free to request a chain analysis (or behavior chain) on a situation in which you were incredibly effective. Get that well-deserved praise from your therapist when you highlight how seamlessly you used Radical Acceptance. You can take this time to sit with positive emotions and explore ways to add more joy to your routine.
Keep tabs. If our teen clients have taught us anything, it’s to keep track of what you want to talk about in therapy in the notes section of your phone. Maybe you noticed a moment you pushed away tears, a time when you were so bothered by a sibling or something else… jot it down and bring it in.
Talk small. It’s easy to feel like you need to have “deep” or “serious” issues to talk about in therapy. Remember, there is no “right” way to do therapy. Bring up the small stuff. It matters. We often find that when talking about the small stuff, we can connect to new insights.
Talk systemic. Our kids and teens often bring up systemic issues that impact them and the world around them. When you have more personal resources on a “good week,” you have more space to discuss how systemic factors such as oppression, racism, heternomativity, or other areas impact you and the world around you.
Reflect on Goals. Before the session, reflect on what you want to work on or toward. In the session, invite a discussion on your treatment goals' past, present, and future. Are there things in your life you would like to cultivate more of? What do you need to do to move in that direction? And if you can’t get the conversation started, just mention the idea to your therapist, and they will help you on this journey!
Bring up avoided thoughts or conflicts. Are you avoiding thinking about something? Perhaps this is something you are experiencing shame around or that you feel is too “insignificant” or “silly.” Therapy is exactly the place to explore thoughts and feelings we feel we “shouldn’t” be having.
Take a cue from us, go to therapy on your “good weeks,” and see what happens.
Authored by Mind Chicago therapists - Fatima Sakrani, LSW and Lee Wells, AM, LCSW
